This week To The Girl Who celebrated our FIFTH birthday. How is this possible? If you had told 19-year-old me that I would still have this going five years later, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. This was truly a passion project of mine that started one day in my college dorm room and now I sit on my couch next to my husband typing this post. Life sure does move fast.

I wanted to share five important lessons I have learned over the past five years that continue to shape me into the woman I am today.

One: Vulnerability is not a weakness

When I began this journey of opening up and putting all my thoughts and feelings out there, I did it to help others, without knowing it was actually impacting me as well. 19-year-old me was afraid to cry in front of others, and she hid the parts of her she should have let shine. My freshman year, I was taught vulnerability was not a weakness, but a strength.

If we want to have relationships with others we have to let them in. It is inevitable that people will hurt us, but that does not mean we hold back in fear of getting hurt. We have to open up, we have to love even when we do not get it in return. We have to be vulnerable, being vulnerable opens us up to beautiful, and slightly scary, moments in life we would have never experienced otherwise.

Two: People won’t always say they are sorry

This one is a tough pill to swallow. People aren’t always as good as we hope and pray for them to be. Again, people will disappoint us, people will hurt us, it is part of life. And with that, people will not always say they are sorry for their wrongs.

Part of living a life of love is being the bigger person, even when we don’t want to. It isn’t always easy, but living with anger and bitterness towards others is much worse. At some point, you will have to forgive the people who hurt you, even when they don’t ask for it. It may be something you have to remind yourself of every day until eventually, it stops coming to mind. But, I promise, it is better for you in the long haul to forgive early, it will save you a lot of heartbreak down the road.

Three: Don’t take life so seriously

I came to the realization recently that everyone is so consumed in themselves that they don’t even notice what you are doing. So take a picture of your food with the flash on, be brave when you are scared, compliment strangers when you like their outfits, and do things that make you feel a little uncomfortable!

I often have to remind myself to take a step back and remember to live. Sometimes it feels like we are running on all cylinders and there is no way to turn the machine off. Work is important, yes, but so is spending time with those you love, volunteering, and reading a book. There is no reason to rush. There is a time to be serious. But if every single moment of your life is consumed with seriousness, you will never have any fun.

Four: Say ‘no’ just as much as you say ‘yes’

This is a hard one for me. If you know me, you know I have my life planned about a month out at all times. Weekends, never heard of them because I am constantly go, go, go. I am currently learning that it is okay to say ‘no’ even when you feel like you should say ‘yes’. 

I wouldn’t classify myself as a people pleaser per se, but I definitely want people to be happy, which sometimes means putting my needs second. Again, that isn’t a bad trait to have, but when it begins to consume you and you have no rest or feeling of peace, that is when learning to say ‘no’ is so vital. We all have to set boundaries, and it isn’t because we don’t want to do ALL the things, it is because we will burn out on life if we don’t. Give yourself some grace, you deserve rest just as much as everyone else.

Five: Be kinder to yourself

Being a woman is hard, especially growing up in a society surrounded by cameras and social media. If you have watched Barbie, or at the very least America Ferrera’s monologue on being a woman, you may understand what I mean. I sat in the theater sobbing as I internalized the words she poured out. 

We need to be kinder to ourselves. There is only one you. Stop comparing the present you with the past you. You shouldn’t be able to still fit into the dresses you wore your sophomore year of high school. You were a different person then, you are a different person now. One is not better than the other, it is all you. May we strive to love ourselves as much as we love our mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends. 

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The past five years truly have been a whirlwind and not at all what I imagined. But, I would not trade a second of it for a different or “easier” life. Every moment has led me to where I am today. So cheers to To The Girl Who, to celebrating 5 years and for at least 50 more!