To the girl who thought she was in control

Let me start by saying I was that girl, well actually I still struggle being that girl. I always have thought I was in control of everything in my life; what I wore, ate, who I hung out with, and when I would do things. But I have quickly come to learn that that isn’t always the case.

When I started my first semester of college in the fall, I thought I was thriving. I had just joined a sorority, made a great group of friends, and had figured out my way around campus. I thought I had found a boy I liked and who liked me back, but as all freshman college love stories go, that wasn’t the case. I planned to stick to the idea of the “college experience”, make good grades, and make my college life what movies made me think it would be. I made it through the first semester with not too many tears and a high GPA. I was ready to dive into second semester head first.

So, January comes around and let me tell you, my life was not going according to plan. I walked into one of my classes for second semester and the teacher started speaking in German. I should probably add that I had only taken Spanish as my foreign language for 14 years of my life. That definitely should have been an indication that class was going to be hard. Well that and my professor telling first years to rethink taking a 300-level class, but I didn’t listen.

Along with classes being harder, life itself had thrown me some curve balls spring semester too. From best friends ending friendships, to not being invited places by your “best friends” at school, to pneumonia, to breakups, and lots of tears that flowed from these events.

I learned this semester that you aren’t always in control, and for someone with bad anxiety and the need to control things, that was a very hard lesson for me to learn. Sometimes people are taken out of our lives because something better is coming. The Bible states in John 13:7, “You may not understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” That was one verse I kept stating over and over. I knew God had a plan, so I let him take over, I let him take control.

So, to the girl who thought she was in control, life will indeed throw you stuff that you don’t think you can handle. And it’s okay if you need to break down and cry, because I won’t lie, I did that many times. But you also need to understand that you may not always be in control. Maybe you change majors from what you have been thinking about pursuing since you were 5, maybe you weren’t accepted into the school of your dreams, maybe the boy you thought was end game ends up breaking your heart. We cannot control everything but know that it is okay to not always be in control, but just try to enjoy the little things.