I think the past few weeks have been the definition of a “yes man” for me. Ever since I have been out of isolation, I have done everything in my power to see everyone, offer help to anyone who needs it, and said yes to every possible adventure I have been offered. And I am in no way saying this is necessarily a bad thing, but it for sure is starting to take a noticeable toll.
For starters, my sleep schedule is WACK. Seriously one night I will get 9 hours of sleep and the next night I will be up until 3 am doing absolutely nothing. I probably am not sleeping enough as a whole which plays a huge role in this whole situation.
Not only is my sleep schedule screwed up, but I want to make everyone happy, although this isn’t a new realization for me. I have always known that I was a people pleaser, but in one of my psych classes, I learned about the different types of neurotic trends. And I, for example, tend to be compliant, and more towards people. I seek attention and approval and push my own needs to the side in order to satisfy the needs of those around me. If you have ever met me, you are probably nodding in agreement right now.
While I know I have always strived to put others before myself, it isn’t always the healthiest option. Obviously, it is good to be servant hearted, and I love that I am, but sometimes putting others before myself ends up hurting me more. For example, I put my all into my relationships and friendships. Every single ounce of my being I will use to make others happy when I care about them, but sometimes I put so much of myself in and do not get the same amount out. It seems that a lot of friendships and relationship are one-sided, and I know I am worth more than that. But, it is beyond scary to think of the idea of cutting someone out of my life, even if it is better for me if they are not in it. Still working on healthy boundaries for sure.
Coming off of COVID, I was told that some of the symptoms may last, but the only one still hanging around is exhaustion. Am I exhausted all the time because I’m a college kid taking tons of classes, working tons of hours, eating what I think is substantial and healthy, and getting as much sleep as I humanly can while doing all of the above? PROBABLY. Could it be because I am over working myself and filling up my agenda a little too tightly? That’s a huge maybe. Or am I just tired because I had a nasty virus inside of me a month ago? Also possible.
But now as I lay completely exhausted in my bed, the question still remains “why do I keep saying yes?” Why is that when I know I should say no because I don’t have enough time or energy, I still say yes? Is it because of that neurotic trend where I constantly seek approval of others? Is it because I will have FOMO if I don’t? Is it because I want to fit in with my friends? Is it because I think it is the right thing to do? All questions I honestly don’t have the answer to at the moment, but one thing I do know is that I need to slow down. The world and the people on it are still going to be here whether or not I say yes at this exact moment. I know I need to take a step back, and know it is okay to not answer a text right away. I know I can’t make everyone happy, and I need to stop trying to. I know I need to take time for myself and most importantly I need to comprehend THAT DOING THAT IS NOT SELFISH.
So, to the girl who does everything, breathe. Pause, take a step back and just chill. You are not required to be everyone’s savior, or anyone’s for that matter. Reach out when you feel like it, answer the text when it’s convenient for you, and only say yes to the things that are actually important to you. You don’t have to be everywhere with everyone at once, you are allowed to take time for yourself, and you don’t need to explain yourself when you do it. Slow down and take a breath, because you know you need it.