To the girl whose blinders are on

Everyone can think of that one relationship, the one where you were so infatuated you could see no wrong. Everything bad that happened was easily justifiable in your eyes. You are stuck in a cycle of being hurt, but thinking it is because they care for you, so you stick with it. That was me for three months straight, every day, completely blinded from the truth.

I met a boy in class, and we became classroom friends. We sat next to each other and joked around in between discussions. Two months into class we became real friends, like outside of class hang outs and texting constantly. We soon began “talking” and got to know each other more and more. I was completely and utterly infatuated with this boy. I could spend every waking hour with him and still never wanted to leave.

We were together every day for three months, whether that be in class, hanging out outside of school, working on projects, or watching The Flash. But there was something that was always a little bit off, yet I could never really see anything wrong. He had recently broken up with his long-distance girlfriend from home shortly before we started talking. He asked me to not post anything of him on any form of social media in respect to the recent breakup, and I obliged. This was the first red flag I didn’t see.

We would have amazing days together and then have terrible fights about the most random things that did not matter at all. We knew we were incompatible from the start, yet we couldn’t separate ourselves from one another. It seemed as though we would almost break things off every other week.

Over holiday breaks when he went home, he would see his ex and not mention it to me. I would ask and he would brush it off like it was completely normal to hang out with the person you had spent the past year and a half with while you were with someone else. More red flags, yet I acted like it was normal. He would communicate with her every day and I just took it as his way of coping, because that is what he told me. I convinced myself that was something everyone does, even though I knew that was not the case.

More and more the red flags seemed to pile up, yet I could not see any wrong in him. I had blinders on every time I was with him. Everything that he didn’t like or didn’t want to do, I accepted as the truth. He didn’t want to go out so we would stay in, he didn’t want to take pictures so we would compromise on only a few. Anything he wanted; I was ready to say yes.

When a boy tells you that he won’t kiss you with makeup on but follows it up by saying that you are more beautiful without makeup he is manipulating you for his benefit. On January 1st, 2020 he called me after I found a picture of him with his ex from the night before and said things between us weren’t going to work. I was destroyed. My heart broke into pieces and I didn’t know how to come back. I slept for days and days thinking it was something that was wrong with me, that I must have done, because that was the mindset he instilled in me. 

But now I can confidently look at it and promise you, it was never me. It was him. Yes, it still is weird seeing him on campus and acting like complete strangers, but I know it’s for the better. On the morning of January 1st, I prayed that God would guide me, taking away all the bad in my life and shining light on the good. I know this was an answer to my prayer. All the times that we almost broke up but never did, all the times I cried to my friends and went straight back to him. The hurt and heartbreak was all a blessing in disguise.

So, to the girl whose blinders are on, rip them off. When you see things that may be red flags, acknowledge them. Don’t make excuses for people, don’t let people walk all over you because you think they may be your person. No one who truly loves you will ever manipulate you. Someone who truly loves you will give themselves fully for you, asking for nothing in return. Girl don’t settle. Don’t think because someone shows you attention, they are the one. Know your worth, know that this breakup is not the end all be all. So, throw those blinders off, show the world who’s boss, and show yourself that you are worthy of the love you give.