To the girl who listens

Two years ago this past weekend, I committed my life to Jesus. I grew up in a Catholic family, and I am beyond thankful for the foundation that set for my future relationship with the Lord. When I went to college I discovered a relationship with God that went so much deeper than I thought was possible. I truly felt the Spirit for the first time and yearned for more. I listened to where the Lord was leading me during those years, which honestly are some of the most influential. 

I felt like a child, learning new things about a part of my life I thought I knew so well. I learned, walking alongside a community of young women who were seeking the Lord with me. We all had arrived to this though different paths, but each one brought us together. For two years, I watched people get baptized during services, at the beach, or through stories and felt deeply moved. I listened for what the Lord was calling me to next, patiently waiting to see where he would lead me.

I felt this calling to get baptized even though I had been baptized when I was a baby. I was nervous when I continued to get this message. I was the only person in my family who really strayed away from the Catholic faith, and I wasn’t sure how it was all going to pan out if I followed what I felt my call was. This baptism was more of a physical and visual example of my commitment to follow the Lord. This was going to be my decision, one that I was making for myself and for my future. 

I continued to sit with this calling in the silence. I didn’t bring it up to my family until I felt an overwhelming urge to share. I first told my mom, and she was so excited for this decision I had made. I created a version of that conversation in my head in which she disapproved, when in reality, it was the opposite!

Once I told my parents, my excitement began to grow. I was planning on getting baptized in the ocean on spring break, when the inevitable COVID struck. Spring break was cancelled, and the world stopped. I didn’t know where I was supposed to go from there, but I continued to listen.

I waited, sometimes impatiently and prayed for next steps. June 2020 came around and I reached out to my church, which at the time was completely virtual to see if baptisms were still happening. There was an enthusiastic “yes” on the other end of the phone and it was on the books. 

My baptism was nothing like I imagined. There was no crowd- no people except my family, my friend baptizing me, and a camera man. There was no worship session leading up to it, and no big celebration after. But, while so many earthly things were not present, He was. I was humbled that morning, reminding myself that my baptism wasn’t about how many people were there, what songs were playing, or who was watching. It was about my relationship with Him, it is about how He will continue to speak through me and use me.

If I have said it once, I have said it 300 times, life will never turn out how we plan it. Our plan is so small and insignificant compared to the one that the Lord has planned for us. While I didn’t plan on committing my life to God during a global pandemic, I couldn’t have imagined a better story.

He seriously does use us for His good. We may not understand why, but when we trust and keep our ears open, we will know what to say our yeses to.

So, to the girl who listens, sometimes it is better to stay silent and listen to hear what really matters. I originally named this blog “to the girl who trusts”, but listening is a part of trust. If we have a deepened trust with someone, we will listen to them and trust what they say. If you are struggling with a decision or where your next choice will take you? Quiet yourself and listen. You may have had the answer in front of you the whole time, all you had to do was listen.